Wordless Wednesday

Yes, I know it's supposed to be wordless today, but I need to explain it. When I was going through chemo last year, my family went to the Portland Rose Garden to see all the roses in bloom. My husband took the girls to see something and I sat down in the Shakespeare Garden for a break. I was tired and felt a bit weak. But I sat on this bench in the picture and felt like I belonged there. It wasn't too hot, the wind was blowing gently, and I was in the shade. I instantly felt happy and at peace. I don't know how to describe it other than to call that place My Happy Place.

My poor ring

This is an extreme close up of my wedding ring. My sweetie bought this for me the fall before we got engaged. We went to the Shane Company and just "looked" around. I found a couple that I liked and told him he had to choose the final one. On the 2nd anniversary of our first date, December 2, 1997, he proposed with this ring. I've loved it ever since. I've had it sized, soldered together, cut off my fat pregnant finger more than once, and repaired many times.

This past weekend, I turned it in yet again to the Shane Company. It used to be perfectly circular, soldered at the bottom to connect both rings together, and it has slowly bent itself out of shape. It was an odd shape, one side of one ring was bent in and you could see the other ring clearly instead of them being perfectly in sync. As you can tell from the picture, the tops of the rings are clearly separated and the ring hadn't been cleaned in a very long time.

It's not a terribly expensive ring or too fancy. Compared to some rings it might be huge or it might be just a speck on my finger. But it's mine and I love it. I had a chance to exchange it for a different band or turn in the ring and get something altogether different. I entertained the thought and decided to keep my ring just as it is and get it repaired yet again. My sweetie picked it out, gave it to me and promised to love me forever, and it's a design I don't see very often. It's my personality and it has my favorite number of bittie diamonds on both sides. I don't think I would ever change it except maybe in a few years to get a slightly bigger diamond. When I was pregnant with one of my girls, I had to have my ring cut off. I bawled like a baby on the way out the door and thought of it constantly. I didn't cry this time, but I miss it like crazy. My hand feels naked without it and there is a little white area on my finger where it normally would be. Just a few more days and I'll have it back.

I do love a lot of things, but there are very few things such as my ring that I would cry about being separated from. My sweetie and my girls are the other things. Only a few days till I get it back!!

Wordless Wednesday

A year ago this week

Well, a year ago this week I was having my last chemo appointment. The dreaded Taxol and Gemzar combo. It would wreck havoc with my bones and make it nearly impossible to walk or do anything without pain. I was finally getting the barest hint of hair after being bald for 4 months. I'm having a hard time believing it's been a year. I had a full head of hair and it's all one color again. Jason's aunt liked to experiment with colors and at one point I had my original brown hair, blond, icky darker blond, and gray hairs sneaking in. It was all growing out and since we were too afraid of burning my scalp, so she had only colored my hair about an inch out. The rest was my natural gray and brown hair. So it really was kind of hideous when it grew out a lot. But now it's all a very natural brown color and it fits me. I need to get a picture of my hair so I can have it for my album. It will be hard to cut ever since it was the hardest thing I ever had to grow.

Very late Wordless Wednesday

quality family time

I love Erma Bombeck

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck (written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just b ecause it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's" More "I'm sorry's."
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it .. ... live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with , and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally.

11 Things Never to Say to a Cancer Patient

This is for all the dingbats out there or people without a clue. For those that are well meaning and have my best interests at heart, ignore this. A fellow breast cancer survivor wrote this. I don't agree with all of it, but the majority I do.

11 Things Never to Say to a Cancer Patient:

1.) WOW! You have hair. While we know that you mean this as a compliment, what you’re really saying is: “Hey, last time I saw you, you were bald. Now, not so much.” Yeah, thanks. Don’t take us back to remembering the treatment that caused us to be bald.

2.) I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! Really? You do? Unless you are a fellow Cancer patient, we’d really appreciate some “I imagine you feel. . .” or “I am certain that’s frustrating” like comments, because you don’t have a clue.

3.) You don’t LOOK sick. Awesome. That’s the WELL look I was going for. I have good days and bad days. By the way, you don’t LOOK stupid.

4.) (See number 3) Wow. I thought people got thin/lost weight during chemo. Yeah, see they used to—and now we have steroids that help with the nausea. . .so lots of us actually GAIN weight. How thoughtful of you to point it out!

5.) Any form of: “Your Oncologist/Doctors aren’t doing the right thing; I think you should take XYZ treatment.” Wow. You went to medical school in the past four weeks since I’ve seen you? Every form of cancer and every case is different. Treatments are tailored to our individual needs. Please don’t undermine my team.

6.) What you really need is a JUICER. Juice saved my life! I am so glad you’re feeling healthy. Some cancer patients can’t eat raw veggies, and if you keep pushing this $200+ machine on me, I might stick that cucumber somewhere you don’t want it.

7.) Vitamin C, Vitamin K, Vitamin E, SOY! Vitamin C is water soluble so any you don’t need, you pee out. Too much Vitamin E inhibits an antioxidant’s ability to rid the body of bad cells . . . and I’d hate for that blueberry juice I’ve been drinking in massive quantities (see number 6) not to work! SOY is a natural form of estrogen which feeds many breast cancers. So, it could be dangerous.

8.) When are you going back to work? You know what, I would give ANYTHING to feel up to a full eight hours around the water cooler with people who aren’t sticking me with needles etc. . . but right now I still need a nap around 3:00 PM everyday. And I don’t see me pulling a “George Castanza” under my desk.

9.) Are you gonna eat that? Sure as heck am. See sometimes when your tastes change due to all these meds you can’t eat anything, or your former favorite things, so right now, I’m going to eat what sounds/tastes good. If cancer isn’t going to kill me, neither will this Little Debbie.

10.) Wow, you are pretty brave to get such a haircut!".good ever lovin grief. I had all this wonderful hair...randomly I got up one morning and shaved my head...thats right, because I'm daring and edgy and brave...hated to buy shampoo, didn't like to comb...tired of coloring....ugh.

11.)"You have to think positive/It's all about positive thinking/Attitude is one of the main reasons why people beat this" No I don't and no it's not. It's basically luck and alot of toxic crap. I wonder if anyone has ever done a study on the life expectancies of happy clowns that i can retort with?

Portland GNO

I got together with some online friends this past week. We met up at the Portland temple and walked around taking pictures in the twilight. Then we made a quick trip to Trader Joes and off to The Cheesecake Factory. Alaina, Lisa, Lis, and I had a blast. We started talking and gossiping and laughing and have a wonderful time. The cheesecake was so good and the conversation was even better. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. We all got along so well and had similiar thoughts and feelings about various things. We thought it would be fun to get some pictures and we were giggly and being silly. It was late at night and it was at Washington Square Mall. We got out a small quilt and laid it in the parking lot. We put our heads together and attempted to take pictures of ourselves. Very few came out okay since we were laughing so hard. Here's my attempt. Ignore the ugly braces and the fact that I cut someone's head off.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday