We met Chloe's kindergarten teacher tonight

Such a big day for Chloe and me. Well, more for me than her. My baby starts school next week and we went to her school today and found out who her teacher was. She has Mrs. Martinez and she seems like a real nice person. She has 22 kids in her class and Chloe will have her first day of school next Thursday. Next week they have gradual entry for the kindergarteners. Each day next week, only about 7 students from each class go on that day. Chloe's day is Thursday and she will be there all day. Then the next Monday, Sept. 11th, she starts going every day.

I went today really nervous. I had some questions and concerns in my mind that were probably trivial, but were a big deal to me. This is my FIRST baby going to school and leaving me and I had all sorts of silly fears. But Mrs. Martinez answered all my questions, I got all the info I needed, and now we have alerted all our family to save cereal tops for education dollars. lol I can't begin to say how excited, relieved, and happy I am that Chloe is going to David Douglas school district and not Portland Public Schools. I would have moved back to Vancouver or homeschooled her if I thought she would go to PPS. She will have all day kindergarten, the school is on the other side of the park which is only a football field length away from our front door. We will be able to walk Chloe to school every day.

So to start things off, we went inside the school and saw which teacher she would have and what room she was in. We headed down the hall with the sea of parents and children to the different classrooms. We found her room in the very back of the school in the corner from where we started. This did not make me feel very good. But we got to the classroom and I met the teacher. When did all the teachers start getting younger than me??? She looked like she was barely out of high school. But we walked around the room and got her familiar with everything that was going to happen. I saw a schedule of her day, where the cubbyholes were for backpacks, the reading area, and the desks. I felt good being in there and it made me happy to see where Chloe would be all day. Jason and I introduced Chloe to Mrs. Martinez and they had a little chat. We also met the teacher's aide Nicole too. We found the library, the gym, cafeteria, etc. Everywhere that Chloe would be, we went and found it so she knew what it looked like.

I had the dumbest thoughts in my head but I seriously could not remember anything, so I had to find out and ask the dumbest questions. I found out that the kindergarten kids eat at their own table, they go to lunch together, the teacher's aide stays with them during lunch and helps wherever needed, Chloe will have snack time, recess where she won't have a chance to walk home, etc. From the playground, you can see our apartment and I worried that she would want to take off during recess and walk home. But they have people on the grounds watching the kids and Chloe would never get that far without someone noticing and bringing her back. I have Mrs. Martinez classroom number, the office number, and all the information I could need.

When we left, I felt shaky and weepy. It's like Mom said, I had the bringing up of Chloe for 5 years and now I was handing her off to be taught by someone else. I wasn't sure I could do this, but I'm proud of Chloe and I know that she will do awesome. She's terribly shy, but I KNOW that this experience will be so good for the both of us. It's just hard to believe that my baby is going to school! I feel like crying now.

Just pray that I don't make a fool of myself on her first day of school. I'm going to work on not letting her know I want to cry and then making sure I don't actually do it till after I drop her off in her classroom.

Bawling all day long

What the heck is wrong with me today? Everything makes me cry! My girls left and normally I'm thrilled, but I'm all alone and I want to cry. I know my mil is upset with me and no matter what I say to her, she says everything is great even though both Jason and I can tell it isn't okay and that makes me cry because everything used to be so good. I started a new blog just for my girls and that made me cry because I was a lousy mom and never did all the good mom things like doing baby books. I went in for my shots today and asked what would control the hot flashes. They told me Vitamin D and that made me cry for some dumb reason. I wanted a hug and no one's around and that's making me cry. I swear I think I'm losing it today and that's making me cry. I'm a mess!

8th chemo treatment went great today

The girls went to the babysitters this morning and didn't look back. I told Chloe I would call her later and I didn't do it. I wish I had, because it turns out that she threw up twice while she was there and I didn't get a phone call about it. I feel terrible! I guess she was asking about us and kept saying her tummy didn't feel good. I really feel rotten about it.

But Mom picked me up this morning and we went and saw Dr. Solti for my appointment. Dr. Brouns was gone and so I saw her. I started going back to the chemo room and getting my port stick put in and put on some saline type of stuff before seeing the doctor. Then I went back and got my good spot and was able to chat with my new chemo buddy Debi. Her hair is starting to fall out the night before her second treatment. So next time I expect to see her bald. It took a while to get started with the real chemo drugs, but I had time to spare. Mom kept me company for a while and then she left and Shannon and Dad showed up and visited with me for a while. They brought the cookies I made yesterday and set them out. The nurses handed them out to all the chemo patients and it made me feel good to know that all 7-8 dozen were gone by the end of the day and I had many compliments and comment directed towards me concerning them.

I'm impressed. My brother is deathly afraid of needles or has some type of paranoia about them. Anyways, he came for about 3 minutes to say hi before I told him he could leave with Mom. lol At least he showed up anyways. Jason was able to arrange half a day off by working on Sunday, so he came to stay after about 1:30 or so. He brought me three balloons and two cards, one from him and one from work. They were both wonderful and when I opened the card from his coworkers, it would sing "I will Survive!". Very nice.

Towards the end of chemo, I called Mom and told her to come over so she could see me ring my bell. I got tired of waiting and hit the bathroom. When I came out, my dad, sister, Nanny, mom, husband, and a friend and her son where there waiting for me. I got nice cards from Shannon and Mom and she made me an apron so I can get back to some serious cooking! Was that a hint or what? That and the pair of tongs I've been wanting gave the clues away.

So they all got to watch me say goodbye to various people I know and don't know. The nurses, other patients, and the scheduling staff. Then it was time to ring the bell. Jason set the video on the camera and I rang it out loud. All the nurses and patients stopped and clapped and cheered for me. It was very emotional because Mom and I both started getting weepy. Such a big deal! Ringing that bell meant so much! I was done with this part of my life and time to get onto something else. I will miss this experience so much.

I'm still not completely sure why I will miss it. But my nurse was telling me that just because I'm not actively doing something to fight the disease, I'm still healing and getting better. She said a lot of people get done with chemo and ask "Now what?". I know I have surgeries and radiation coming up but it's not that simple. This chemotherapy was such a life altering experience. If you haven't done it before or known someone who's done it, you don't get it. And then you don't have it anymore and you don't know how to fill that void. I found a book on amazon that I want to get that talks about it. I'm also thinking it might be a good idea to find a support group for breast cancer survivors so that I can continue to be around a good group of supporters to help me through this. We'll see how it goes. I wish so many things that can't happen. I'd love to go out and laugh with Erin and Kristen sometime. They can make me laugh so hard at times.

But it's getting late and I'm so tired and exhausted and emotionally shot today. I'm going to take my meds and go try to sleep. I have a sick baby, so I hope she has a good night too. She will be staying with me tomorrow if she's still feeling icky and Lindsey will go to Grandma's house. Hope all goes well there.

My last chemo is tomorrow!!!!

I can hardly believe that I will be done with chemotherapy tomorrow. It seems like I've been doing this forever. I had absolutely no idea what to expect with the first treatment and now I'm an old pro at it. 4 months have gone by and soon 8 treatments will be finished. I've been poked, prodded, had labs done too many times to count and I feel like a giant pin cushion.

It's weird to say and understand, but I will miss it. I will miss going in every other Thursday and sitting with friends that KNOW better than anyone what you are going through and think nothing of the lack of eyebrows you have or the new scarf or hat you have on to hide the hair. I will miss the laughter, the smiles of the nurses, my comfy fake leather recliner, and the fact that they FINALLY fixed the ice machine after it's been broken all summer long. Doing chemo was proactive and about the only thing I felt I could do that was doing something towards beating this disease.

I will miss especially(my nurses) Janelle, Tara, Amy, and even Desi. I'll miss Donna, Nancy, Sue, and mostly Tonya (my chemo buddies). She had her last treatment last time I was there. She knew I would be lonely and set me up with a new lady, Debbie who was having her first treatment. Tonya made me laugh, smile, and talk when maybe I didn't want to. She saved me a chair with "the girls" so when I arrived later, I would have a good spot to sit at and could laugh and talk with them. She made it easier to bear and even helped me to look forward to treatment because I knew she would be there. It will be hard to go tomorrow when I know she won't be there.

I didn't want to bring in a cake because that seemed a little too impersonal, so I made big batches of oatmeal raisin and chocolate chip cookies. My mom is bringing in some fruit and together we'll have the makings of a good going away party for me in the chemo room. I will really miss being there but I'm glad it's done too. I hated the Neulasta and Listera shots on Fridays. Those hurt even though Janelle is really careful about giving them to me. She does everything possible to make it easier to bear.

I hope everything goes well tomorrow and that I will be able to have the chemo. I didn't wait around for the results of my labs on Tuesday and if my levels aren't right, I won't do the chemo and will have to wait. But I've never had to put off a visit yet though I came close one time. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened, so I'm sure it will be fine.

Wish me luck and help me to be able to sleep tonight!!!

Last chemo on Thursday!!!

I can hardly believe after Thurday that I will not have to have another chemotherapy treatment. Has it really been 4 months since I started this? Doesn't seem like it. What am I going to do on Thursdays now? I'll have to find some other "fun" activity to replace sitting in a chair for 4-5 hours receiving drugs bad enough that a nurse has to wear special clothes at times to administer it to me.

So I want to do something special on Thursday. Bring a card or something to my nurse Janelle. We are assigned a nurse when we start and she was mine from the beginning. She's been great, real supportive, extra attentive, always making sure everything is just right. But somehow I don't think Hallmark has a card for this occaision. lol I'm not a sweet and sugary person a lot so I'm not sure how to proceed. I'm not even going to see my regular oncologist this week! He's gone so I'm seeing someone else. I want to celebrate somehow and I think I will bring in a cake or some type of goodies to share with everyone. I might just make a couple of batches of cookies on Wednesday instead of a cake. I'll figure it out.

This summer has been hell for me. I've never felt like I have and I've been through a lot. Started out with chemo and saline fills for the tissue expander. The chemo made me sick, the saline fills were incredibly painful, stupid thing fails, money issues, and so much more. Now the chemo is done and I survived it and done ...okay. How do you celebrate this? I want to mark this day and make it special but don't know how.

I do know that I'm going to walk out of there ringing that bell loud and clear. I'm happy I made it, I'm glad that it's done, and pray that I don't have to do it again.

late Friday night

Thought I would update a little. The chemo is different this time around. They gave me the Gemzar faster and I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not. But I'm getting symptoms that I would normally get with my AC chemo. Slightly sick to my stomach constantly, and tired a lot but not able to sleep, and the weird slight heartburn and tongue sensations. But I also get constant pain in different areas of my body. I mean that I have pain in different areas of my body, but while it's never in the same place, pain is always somewhere in my body. Does that help?

Yesterday I had a headache type of pain. It would like "pulse" in a certain spot in my head every couple of minutes all day. Today, it was in my right leg. It started right at my hip socket area and would cross over the top of my knee and down the inside of my calf down to my ankle. This would pulse or hit me with pain every so often and even now it's doing it. Sometimes it really hurts and other times I barely notice it.

I have a strange skin sensation going on too. My skin is super sensitive to touch now. Jason was trying to help me out last night and rubbed my shoulders with some lotion. It felt like I was being pummeled and it hurt!!! He wasn't trying to hurt me, but my body is just bizarre now and even when my little girls hug me, it almost annoys me how much it bothers me. But I loved to be hugged!!! I love it when they do it, but the skin sensation thing hurts me too.

My emotions are all over the place. I revolve between anger, frustration, depression, and once in a while happiness. But that's rare. Mostly it's frustration and bad depression. The kind where you feel so rotten and worthless that you want to crawl in a hole and hide from the world. You figure no one will notice if you are gone so you might as well leave. I tried to do that this week for a while, but thank goodness a good friend called me out and asked me how I was doing. I miss her and I just saw her last weekend!

Do you ever wish you could do things that it seems like everyone else is capable of doing? I wish I could be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, keep a clean and tidy house, make wonderful meals that everyone likes, and do it with a smile on my face. I would honestly be happy if I could just do these simple things. Why am I unable to do any of it??? Why is it so freaking hard? I wish that was my talent. Make my crummy little apartment a home. I can't even do anything right. I feel terrible but don't have the plans or ideas on how to make it work. I barely remember my own name lately.

Yesterday I finally noticed something. I was calling my mom throughout the week just asking how she was doing. But I was asking the same things over and over like I've never heard the answer before. I totally panicked the other day because I bought a stupid roast chicken at the store with great intentions of what to do with it. I get home and stare at it and realized I had no recollection of what I wanted to do. I called my mom and almost started hyperventilating telling her about it. I was crying and just felt like a retard. It was like my mind had been erased of any sense. I was scared. So while I can remember things, I'm going to try and start writing them down. Then if I forget anything, I can refer to the list. How humiliating is that?

Back from my mini vacation

I had the chance to go visit my friend Tanya up in Washington this past weekend. My mil thought I was nuts for going somewhere the week of chemo, but I didn't start having problems until Sunday afternoon, so I did alright.

Friday after my shots for my blood levels, my parents took me to the train station and waited with me for the late train to show up. I got a business class seat on the way up and it was really worth it. I had a row to myself and it was quiet and peaceful. I even got a ticket for money off in the "bistro" and was able to get a drink for nothing. Very difficult to do my cross-stitch, but I enjoyed the trip nonetheless. I miss riding the train and plan to do it sometime soon again.

Tanya and O picked me up in Tacoma and I immediately felt terrible. Worst day of the week, worst time of day for traffic in Tacoma. But soon we were chatting like crazy and I didn't notice the traffic after a while. In fact, most of the weekend, we were talking and laughing and just being together and the time went so fast! When we got to her new home they had just bought, I was immediately in love. So perfect for her family. Just the right size. When I like a home, I can't help but start imagining how I would arrange my things. I hope I didn't drive her nuts with that. But it's just what Jason and I have always wanted. Yellow house, front porch area big enough for a chair, fenced back yard, area for swingset, area for a garden, big enough kitchen, and best of all, the fridge. She must think I'm insane! But I love her fridge. It had an icemaker and I constantly filled my glass with crushed ice and water all weekend. The water tasted great and much better than here in Portland.

We didn't do anything really wild, just got to be friends together and talk and laugh and just ...be. We've been friends for a long time and we didn't have to do anything really big to enjoy each other. I was being careful after chemo and we just spent time around the house. I think the worst part was trying to figure out where to eat for lunch on Saturday. Both of us couldn't make a decision and I know I wanted to make sure got to eat where she wanted so we almost went hungry trying to make sure the other person ate where they wanted because we could never decide what to eat. Geez, we're weird. lol

I had insisted on taking them out for dinner and was didn't get a real chance to do it because her dh made a wonderful pork roast dinner. I know he didn't know this, but one of my favorite dinners is pork roast, mashed potatoes and gravy, and veggies with homemade fruit sorbet. That's what we had!! He made it and didn't know how much it's one of my favorites. Then the man butters me up even more and makes a great Sunday breakfast with Tanya helping out on eggs. This Southern gentleman made biscuits and gravy, bacon, juice, and eggs. I was in shock, but very pleased. I didn't know Reid had it in him. The man's not perfect though. He's a very polite man with a southern drawl but can whip out the "F" word when you least expect it. rofl

I almost didn't want to come home. It's been a long time since I had such a big comfy bed to myself without a baby sneaking into it at night. The weather was cooler, lots of big green trees, and everything was very soothing. But I missed my babies, my dh, and my a/c. (Sorry Tanya) Glad to be back home now. I started getting the pains from my chemo on Sunday and I was hoping it wasn't too obvious but it was shooting up my legs and making me knees weak. I was so happy to sink into that train chair at the train station on the way home. Last night was so hard to sleep, but thank goodness for great pain meds and a rest today. A wonderful family in our ward had the girls today and I was able to take some really good pain meds that helped the pain go away. I'm feeling much better than before but still leery of the pain.

Thanks so much to Tanya and her family. I had a really great time in their home and even though we had a couple of "scuffles", I still love em! ;)

My 7th chemo treatment

Well,7 down 1 more to go. This seemed to go alright. It was my chemo buddy Tonya's last chemo treatment and she was there earlier than I was. She's always so sweet. She saves me a good seat next to her and we have great chats while we are getting our chemo. Since she knew this was her last treatment, she made friends with a new lady that was having her first treatment. Got to know her and then introduced me to her. Her name is Debbie and she's on the AC combo. Tonya told me since she was going to be gone, she didn't want me to be lonely and so she found me a new friend. That's why I got to know Debbie so that I wouldn't be alone next time on my last treatment. She's so awesome.

Tonya brought in a cake and shared with everybody and then we she got ready to leave, she rang her bell signally she was done with chemo. Everyone clapped and cheered and then she was gone. I was so happy for her and sad for me. Going to chemo was something to look forward to because I had people to talk to that were going through the exact same thing I was and I didn't have to make excuses at all. The only question there was was what kind of cancer did YOU have. My buddies and I all had breast cancer so we also had that in common. I'm so happy that Tonya made it through this part of the battle and can now face her surgery with this already done.

I feel okay for the most part. In the morning, I could feel a tightness in my chest because I was running around and hurrying and trying to get things together before I left for my trip. That and feeling just a tad tired and out of sorts and I was fine. I'm starting to feel little things creep up on me now, but nothing major yet.

I can hardly believe I only have one more chemo treatment. I didn't think it would end so soon. It's like the time just flew by. It was nothing I expected at all but at the same time it was. I learned a lot of things that I didn't think I would. My chemo center is a happy place for me. It's bright, lots of light, good nurses, cheerful patients, and very comfy chairs. For as long as I have to sit there, I'm very glad for my comfy chair there. If only the students from the massage school had come back and offered to massage my feet every time then it would have been perfect.

A fish tried to bite me

Well, it sure seemed like that. Never trust the fish in giant feeding ponds at the fish hatchery. Ever.

Saturday morning we decided to take the girls for a ride up the Gorge. Chloe really enjoyed it last time we were there and so we went again. It was cool and shady and a little breezy, so I'm really glad we went. It's been hot all the time or muggy and it was such a treat to be cool.

Anyways, at the fish hatchery there are about 4 ponds of fish. They had salmon, trout, sturgeon, and some mixed together. You can get fish food at the ponds for a quarter. A little handfull comes out that looks like rabbit pellets. You throw it at the fish and watch the frenzy of them fighting for it. They are really hungry or really bored. Lindsey was pretty scared of the fish, but every once in a while would flick one pellet at a time at the fish. So cute!

So we get to this pond that had a couple of ducks on it. Chloe was really trying to feed the ducks, but those damn fish would crowd up and grab the food before this one duck would get a chance. So she and I go to the far side of the pond and try feeding the duck there. The pond is surrounded on the borders by rocks. I get down and bring some pellets close to where the duck is. The duck gets closer and closer and once in a while I drop a pellet down in the water to entice it to come closer. I get my hand close to the surface of the water and those stupid fish are swarming around me in the water, I can see them below the surface.

Anyways, the duck is less than a foot away and I have my hand so close to the surface. Suddenly, there's a splash and this damn fish jumps up and smacks my hand, makes me lose the fish food into the water, and I scream. I seriously thought he was going to bite me. It took me a while to figure out they don't have teeth. So I scream and everyone around the pond looks up at me like I'm an idiot. I start laughing because it was all so funny. Maybe you had to be there. But to the fish, my hand was so close and they thought they were getting lunch!!! Lesson learned, don't put your hand too close to the surface of the water at a hungry fish pond. Fish will think you are food and want to eat you.

FIRE

My heart if finally calming down now. I was sure buzzed on adreneline for a while and I was shaking.

One of the few nights that I'm not dealing with insomnia and I'm wide awake again at 1:38am. I got to bed before 11pm which is a big deal and was sleeping okay till we hear a pounding on our door. Being apartment managers really sucks and I thought it was someone who got towed and they didn't know what to do. Jason stumbles to answer the door and after a second, he comes back to get some pants and runs back out. That scared me. When I asked what was wrong, he said one of the residents said there was a fire. Initially he thought it was one of the apartments on fire. But the guy who pounded on his door said it was in the park.

We are in apartments that butt up against a park. We have a fence on the backside of the park with an entrance to it about 25 feet from my front door. Our bedroom windows face the park. There are about a dozen or more 6-7 story high Douglas Fir trees on the backside of the park which means they are very close to us. When dh told me the park had a fire, I look out our bedroom window and the tree in front of our window about 35 feet away is on FIRE. Well, the bushes around the tree were red with ambers up to 6 feet high and a couple of flames would burst out every second or so. So not completely on fire, but just a few minutes away. We haven't had rain in a long time and the park was crispy brown. That tree would have gone up like a torch. About 3 of us call 911 and describe it to them. I knew dh and the resident were on cell phones and here, if you call 911 on a cell, you get a recording first. I didn't know how long they would be delayed if calling on them, so I called on our office phone which is a landline.

Thank goodness for the fire department that is less than 4 blocks away!!! They were here in a minute or so of my phone call and the fire was out seconds later. The fire investigation team has called us already asking if we know who set it, if we saw anything, etc. When I was calling, I saw someone run across in front of the tree but it was a shadow and I don't know much more than that.

But the girls never even made a peep!! The fire truck was right in front of our apartment and it was loud with it's engine rumbling. They had a floodlight on the truck and it was shining towards the park and therefore in our living room windows too. Nothing phased them at all. They sleep lousy at night lately so I was sure one of them would be up.

Fire is one of my biggest fears in life. I was so scared when I looked out our bedroom window. All I can think of now, is what would have happened if that guy who pounded on our door hadn't of just got home from work at 12:30am, smelled smoke and called us. Would it have gotten into a full fledged fire and reached anywhere near us? Would we have smelled the fire or would our apartment caught fire? All I can think of are worst case scenarios and I can't sleep. The one freaking night that I don't have insomnia and I can't go back to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Insomnia and Pepsi don't mix

Yeah, not a good combo. I haven't had a big giant Pepsi in a while because quite often, carbination bothers my tongue during chemo. Well, I was feeling pretty good, not much heartburn, no carbination problems, so I get a big drink. Then I get hooked playing online Mahjong tournaments and I can't sleep. Then the combo hits me and it's after 1am in the morning!

I'm excited! I get to go visit my friend in her new home next weekend. I get to ride the train up there and she'll pick me up and we'll have a grand old time chatting and catching up. I've missed her a lot and as much as I love MOFs, it's just not the same as having an actual person face to face that I've been best friends with since before we had our girls. Not that I don't love so many of MOFs!

I had an appointment this week with Dr. G, the reconstructive surgeon. She's the one that during my initial surgery put in the tissue expander that filled me with massive amounts of pain for weeks on end. Well, the tissue expander failed, burst , ripped a hole, whatever. It didn't work and so she wanted to schedule surgery for September to have the expander taken out and my left boob reduced. I was a rather larger 44F and to go to just one boob that's huge and the other side is nothing has been hard for me to find clothing to match plus many other problems.

Anyhoo, she's going to fix my left boob to a nice small size and in the spring I'll have yet another surgery to "make" another boob which is called a trams flap procedure. But at the appointment this week, we tentatively have September 13th as the surgery date. It's on a Wednesday and it will be around 1pm. Which really sucks! I'd rather it be on Thursday or Friday so it's closer to the weekend. I'm just glad to have the tissue expander out. It's uncomfortable when I'm sleeping on my side because I can feel it in my chest and I hate it.

The girls and I were being silly the other night and I gave them markers and let them color on my head. lol It was kind of fun. Chloe got this look like she was doing something she would get in trouble for later but was still having fun doing it anyways. She had the biggest grin in the world. Totally worth it. Thank goodness for baby wipes and the fact that the markers were washable. When they were done the first time, I just wiped it all off and they did it again. Chloe wrote her name and colored some pretty things on there for Daddy to see when he got home. It was really fun.

Thank goodness it's Wednesday!!

Because Monday and Tuesday were hell! Sorry. But I've never hurt like that before. Imagine having shooting pains in your legs, from your hips to your toes and they come and go with no regularity. It's just a constant pain at some point in your legs all day and all night. Drugs don't help. It was not great last treatment, but this time was nearly unbearable.

I had my second treatment of Taxol and Gemzar last Thursday. I was ...okay through the weekend. But I woke up on Monday and I was in for it. It hurt a lot and not the same way it hurt with the tissue expander. This was something totally different. On Tuesday I had to take Chloe into the doctor for her well child visit. That was terrible. Nothing like hearing your child scream bloody murder over 3 shots to make you feel like crap. Anyways, I shouldn't have been driving. I would drift a bit or be too tensed up or my legs would cramp at random moments while on the freeway and other times I had to force myself to keep my eyes open. I couldn't take it after a while. We went to go pick up Lindsey at my mil's house. I didn't feel safe enough to drive home. I was in tears and had to have my fil drive me home and have my inlaws watch the girls till Jason could pick them up and drive them home. I got home and my sweet fil offered to help me into the house. I was walking like an old man so I don't blame him. I took something that finally let me sleep and was able to get some rest.

For Monday and Tuesday, I would walk around half bent over and with my legs bent at the knees. I couldn't stand up straight or walk too fast since I didn't know when the pains would start. I think the girls watched a whole lot of tv on Monday since I couldn't do anything.

But today I woke up and the pains were nearly all gone. I could barely feel them and it was like the pain switch was turned off. Good thing too, since I had so much going on. Go with Grammy and the girls to the park and eat pizza, bake cookies for RS function, go get labs done, drive through major traffic to pick up dh in downtown Portland, and then go home and get ready for RS function. NOT fun. But it felt good to know that I could handle it again. I almost welcomed all of the craziness.