Surgery

Ever heard of the expression, hurry up and wait? Well, that's what it felt like when I went to the hospital to have surgery. Jason and I got there right on time at 8am. We went to the 2nd floor pre op area and signed in. It took awhile before I was called back. They got me all suited up in my open air gown and ugly navy blue-gray socks. They did tests and got my IV started. It was weird, she found a vein on the back of my forearm and put it in there. Taped it all up and then dh came back to keep me company. Did I mention that just to make life interesting, my period started the day before? Oh yeah, loads of fun. So I decide after I've been sitting around in the surgery triage area, that I have to go to the bathroom. I have to walk around with a sheet around me, a nurse carrying my IV and trying not to move my legs much because I had started in earnest that morning. I get to the bathroom and had to ask for a pad and those lovely mesh undies. It's like what else could they do to make life more humiliating.

Finally I get to go in. Dr Forsythe was there waiting for me in the OR. Very bright and big. I get situated on this tiny little table and the anestisialogist starts the drugs. I immediately get my eyes out of focus and they put a mask over me with oxygen in it. Dr. Forsythe is holding my hand and I wanted to ask her to leave me alone and I was fine. Next thing I know, I'm awake in recovery. My throat is sore and I can't really talk very well. I get back to my room and Jason and my mom are waiting for me. I should have written this soone when I remembered everything! All the little details I want to know are gone. I do know that the doctor showed them the pictures of my innards. I wanted to see them too but wasn't with it enough to ask.

I know that they wouldn't let me have my favorite drink because it had carbonation. So no cranberry juice with Sprite. I asked for graham crackers later and was denied because it would cause me gas. Blech! These people are so boring. So I got some ice water and that was it for awhile. I was okay to talk and interact with people. They told me I had a catheter and wouldn't be able to get up and walk until the morning. That really sucked. I was given a pain pump this time around and that was nice as long as I didn't want to talk with anyone. Within minutes of getting it, I was loopy enough that I didn't have much to say or the attenion span to do it. Once Jason knew I was okay, he went home to take care of the girls. Mom left because I was tired and she would be back with Dad when I was more with it. So I kind of rested and was in and out of it for the afternoon.

It was uncomfortable moving, so I just laid there and didn't even watch tv. I had visitors in the late afternoon. A and G brought me a big bouquet of flowers in gold and maroon colors. Astromarias or something like that. Very beautiful. I was happy on pain pills and chattered with them for awhile. They left and Mom and Dad came. That was a nice visit and they left. I had my mom give me my iPod so I could listen to music while was floating on a cloud. I went to look for my piano selections and realized that I had taken them off. I wanted music where I didn't have to really listen to it and just let it relax me. Instead I had Ricky Martin's Living La Vida Loca and Mayberry by Rascal Flatts and Thriller by Michael Jackson. Not exactly what I had in mind.

Pre op at hospital, etc

I had my pre op at the hospital yesterday. I was hoping like crazy I would get to be in the tower at SWMC, but nope! Still, I get a private room in the remodeled 2nd floor surgery wing. That was where I was before and it was a nice little room. I'm just happy it's a private room. I hate sharing rooms and to have a curtain closing me off bugs me. The nurse went through everything with me and gave me instructions on what to do beforehand and how to prepare. After that was over, I took the girls with me to where I would go on Monday. We entered in the same area, up the elevators and into the waiting room where I would check in. I let them see everything so they wouldn't have questions and it wouldn't be scary to them. They seemed fine with it all.

Tomorrow we leave with my inlaws to La Grande. My fil's half brother and his wife are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and are having a dinner. My mil asked us to come, paid for the minivan to take us, will spend the money to put us in a hotel, and then we drive back Sunday and will be home Sunday afternoon. My mil is very very very tight with money. Which is why I'm more than a little leery about why we were asked to go in the first place. For her to spend money on us like that has NEVER happened since we've been married. After talking to dh, we figured out that they want to show off the girls. My dh's sister is messed up and so are her kids. So I guess my inlaws want to show that some grandkids turned out okay. I don't know.

But I'm glad to be going. It's going to help make the time more interesting and help me not worry so much about the surgery on Monday. It's all I think about. I'm trying to get things arranged in my head on where the girls will be, who will watch them, will dh get time off, do we have food, will meals be brought in, who's taking me home from the hospital, will it hurt, etc. Just a million things going through my mind constantly and I'm looking forward to this little trip to help make the time go faster. I'm happy it's going to happen and I'm sure it's the right thing. Although we decided before breast cancer that we were done having children, I'm really really moody and depressed now. Deciding we are done is so much more different than not being able to have them. So I'm mourning that loss of what my body used to be able to do and will never do again. I love my girls and my family how we are. But it's always the matter of what if. Now it never will BE.

I guess that's why I'm turning into the world's biggest bitch. I'm mean, I'm loud, I'm angry, not nice, and totally a moody wench. I think dh is afraid of me. I would be. I don't know how to make it better so I alienate everyone around me. Not the best move. It just hurts.

Pre Op with Dr Forsythe

I went to my appointment today with Dr Forsythe. Everything was fine. I'm not going in at 5:30am like I thought on Monday, I'm going in at 8am. I was hoping for the first slot, but because a patient has diabetes, she goes first because of blood sugar issues. That's fine. I can call my babies in the morning and tell C to have a good day at school. Dh is getting the week off to help out and my mom will bring me home on Monday while dh has the girls at home.

I'm super anxious for this to happen. Mostly because the more time I have to think about it, the worse it gets. My imagination runs wild and my stomach gets into knots. I'd rather it be tomorrow so I can hurry and get it over with. But with time, I keep thinking of every little thing I'd like to have done before I go in. More tomorrow after the hospital pre op appointment.