Three doctor visits last week

Last week was busy. My dh had the week off and we filled it with doctor visits and other fun stuff. Tuesday was my visit with my oncologist. I had seen him not too long ago, but because of starting Arimidex, he wanted to check on my levels while being on this new medication. I had been having a cold and developed a dry cough so seeing a doctor was nice. He checked my lungs and said I was clear. Anyways, my blood counts were good and he actually told me my hormone stats. I hadn't known before.

He explained that they use a system of numbers from 1 to 500 to determine hormone levels. I forgot most of the explanation, but my numbers are Estrogen level 200 out of 500 and my Progesterone level is 20 out of 500. My Her2 level is 0 which is negative. So that's how I'm ER/PR+ and Her2-. I've seen a trend on my board that triple negative tumors seem to have the hardest time, so I'm grateful that I'm not.

Next doctor visit was Thursday to my gyno surgeon. Things are so painful down in my cervix that it nearly makes me cry. So I went in to make sure things were okay and not just scar tissue or something else. Turns out I have a dermatitis problem, yeast infection, and yes, extremely dry tissue inside. Great. I went home with a free sample of meds and a new prescription that I hope my oncologist will let me have since it has a bit of estrogen in it.

Then since I was still coughing like crazy, I called my regular doctor, Dr. Hughes and asked her nurse what I could take since I had tried everything to make the cough stop. They had me come in and I was able to actually see my favorite doctor. She said my lungs were no longer clear like my oncologist had said and had crap in them. lol She gave me a presciption for a Zpack and inhalers. They haven't helped my cough at all, but I'm thinking that they are helping my lungs so that once they heal, the coughing will stop. I've had two nights cough free though the days are still not so great.

My Ah ha moment

This doesn't have anything to do with breast cancer at all, but I needed a place to do it where I could write out my thoughts and my family wouldn't tease me about being mushy. Then I would feel stupid and silly and erase it and it wouldn't be written down anywhere.

I have two children, C and L, and they are 5 and 7. We went to Ikea for dinner the other night after picking up dh from work. We sat down after being in line and got settled with the girls and their food being fixed and their drinks readied with straws. I just looked at the four of us and was just struck by how RIGHT we were as a family. That we were complete and okay and how lucky and blessed I was to have this little family. In my church we are considered rather small and I get the occaisional question of when we are having more children. We aren't. We are set and complete and for the first time, I was completely at peace with that. I always used to feel that I wasn't done even when dh had the big V and I had my medical problems. I would long to hold a baby in my arms and found it hard for awhile to be around people that were pregnant or had brand new babes in their arms.

But that moment in Ikea, I had my ah ha moment. Our family is done, we are complete, and I couldn't be happier. I am finally at peace about the size of our family. I can hold babies now and stare wistfully at them, but gladly hand them back because I'm where I should be at in my life and I'm finally content with it. It was like a huge relief to have that hit me. I'm not sure why I had that moment, but I'm so grateful for it. I needed it because I used to be so sad and that I hadn't done all I could regarding our family size and felt something was lacking.

I'm so blessed and happy to be the mom to C and L. I'm going to work on being the best mom for THEM and teach them and love them and cuddle them and make sure they know that they were meant for us and our little family. I'm going to make mistakes, but they will never not know that their momma loves them more than anything else on earth.

I lost another friend yesterday...

This disease sucks. It really does and no one gets it unless you have it, especially at the age younger women do. It strikes harder and is deadlier than when older women get it. I have a support group and these women get it. They understand the fears of not seeing your child's next birthday or Christmas or even the next week.

I lost a friend named Jenn yesterday. I have lost so many this year. People I've known and hugged and loved and laughed till I cried with and it's terrible. Last year my roommate for the first conference I went to passed away. I was able to email a few times with her mom and I had to swallow my hurt for the two younger girls she left behind. Then this year it just went all to hell. I lost Cathy, Melinda, Shabby, Courtney, Jami, my dear dear friend Danica, and now Jenn. I miss them all so much. It will be their family's first Christmas without these wonderful women. God be with their families, I know they will need it.