Momentary lapse of control
I'm a stinking mess right now. There are so many things I'm struggling with and worried about. I'm trying to be strong and brave and this stupid thing makes me sit here with tears running down my face.
I miss my cleavage!!! Huge and pain in the ass that it was, I miss having two boobies. I miss looking down and seeing them squished together in a bra. I miss wearing a nice V neck shirt that showed a tiny bit of skin and made me feel good about my top half. Just leaning on my elbows with my chin in one hand and looking down and seeing a nice view that I can offer my dh. It's something so completely selfish with what I'm worrying about. But maybe because it's so small compared to some other stuff that is making it easier to be upset about. I have one nicely shaped left boob and the other side is a lumpy carved out radiated scarred chest wall with a cotton stuffed in my bra to try and make me look even. I hate it. I hate my body and how it looks now. I just sick of what this stupid disease has made me into.
1 comment:
Well, think of it this way. If you hadn't had the surgery and the radiation, then you would have two boobs, but they would both be decomposing in your grave about now.
Take comfort that after the resurrection, you will have both of them well and whole again, this time is not forever.
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