Do you ever feel like you don't belong?

Stupid freaking hormones. I'll be glad when they are all gone.

Do you ever feel like you are back in high school? That you want to be confident and happy and with friends? But in the back of your mind you feel like the ugly geeky kid that will never have a chance to be with the cool kids? It's my own personal doing that makes me feel this way. My self esteem is shot and I know that. I make myself feel that way, no one else. I have my mind set what I think is the cool group whatever the heck that means. And I know I'm not a part of it. I see myself and wonder why the hell anyone would want to be friends with me. I'm fat, I'm not funny, I don't have much, I'm whiney, got health issues, lazy, I'm incredibly shy, no self worth, and I don't know what I want in life. I'm so envious of those who know who they are and what they want. It may be the simplest things, but they KNOW and they go after it. That's incredible to me. To have drive and focus and say what you mean and stand up for it and not be cowed by opinions or who's more popular or whatever.

I'm rambling now. I hate to be vulnerable and I opened myself up in a way today that made me vulnerable. I hate that! I hate to feel bared open with no defenses. So now I want to go hide and pretend I didn't say anything because heaven knows it will probably be taken the wrong way.