I'm calling in ugly today

Ever have those days where you aren't sick but feel emotionally sick? My friend on my breast cancer support board calls it calling in ugly. I'm whining big time here so if that's not your thing or you're rolling your eyes, just bypass this post.

I think it comes when I'm pmsing. I get really low moods and my "ugliness" comes out. I notice all the bad stuff. I went to two doctors this week and didn't know till I stepped on the scale that I have gained so much weight. I know I haven't eaten well, but that number jumping out at me on the scale really took me back. My fat jello arms are bugging me, chemo brain has made me forget, space out, or otherwise become a permanent blond like the kind that everyone makes jokes about. I'm terrified of getting lymphadema so I haven't done much exercising with my arms. I get tired quickly, and I know how I look with tri colored hair, braces, plain face, and extremely low self esteem. I was mistaken yet again for a man this week at Walmart by an older man. Nothing like that to make you feel like garbage.

So I'm off to drown my sorrows in some chocolate or Pepsi or something equally bad for me. Then the cycle starts all over again.