It's not fun to cry in Safeway

It's no fun to start bawling at Safeway. I had my 6 month appointment with Dr. Schneider, my rads oncologist this morning. While getting checked in, I ran into Becky B, my best friend when we were little kids. We grew up two blocks from each other and did everything together. She's going through breast cancer too and had a hysterectomy 3 weeks ago. She's in the second week of radiation so that's why she was there. So we got to talking and both of us were near tears talking about everything. Then I go back and have my exam and I'm fine and don't have to go back until September. That's great news.

But I go to my car and just start sobbing. And I couldn't stop at all. I'm perfectly okay, but everything associated with that place makes it hard to bear. And then my friend's there. Both of us are 34 and going through treatment for breast cancer. It's not right!!! I'm considering a hysterectomy and she's just been through one. Plus, when you're in a rotten mood, everything just seems a billion times worse. The doctor asked if I was going back to the physical therapist because my lymphedema is acting up. I can't because we can't afford it. I felt bad that I had to pay the $20 copay when I know that we are extremely tight on money this month.

So I sit in the car and bawl my eyes out. Then I just drive like I'm numb to the store and get groceries. Then I get a phone call from the gynocologist with the biopsy results I had on Tuesday. It's benign thank goodness, but it makes me start crying all over again. Then I call my mom and dh and let them know and I start crying all over again. So I'm wandering all over Safeway with my cart trying to wipe away tears when all I want to do is sit in a corner and just sob. It doesn't help that I started bleeding again today. The biopsy on Tuesday could have started it, but I stopped bleeding from that yesterday. I go to the bathroom early this morning and wiped away blood. So now I go through who knows how many days of intense bloodiness with this period. It just makes everything 100 times worse. So many things are happening. I don't know if I will have a job anymore since the apartments are for sale again. My lymphedema is acting up, big emotional news, extremely tight finances, etc., etc.