Rambling on...

Pity post coming. Shocked, right? lol

I feel out of sorts. I'm not sure where I belong if I do at all. Do I really belong with the group of women I interact with online everyday or am I just watching them? What do I have to offer? I have a jumble of thoughts going on in my head, snatches of feelings here and there. Am I happy about depression meds that try to keep me on an even keel or do I want to really feel emotions instead of nothingness? I don't care about a lot of things or sometimes I care too much about the wrong things.

I want to get started on Christmas so badly! I want to revel in the season and everything it has to offer. On the other hand, I want it to pass me by without acknowledging it because it hurts so damn much. I want to feel so much but the person I want to share it most with doesn't seem to care at all. I don't know if they really understand me or they don't want to or they don't care.