My Ah ha moment

This doesn't have anything to do with breast cancer at all, but I needed a place to do it where I could write out my thoughts and my family wouldn't tease me about being mushy. Then I would feel stupid and silly and erase it and it wouldn't be written down anywhere.

I have two children, C and L, and they are 5 and 7. We went to Ikea for dinner the other night after picking up dh from work. We sat down after being in line and got settled with the girls and their food being fixed and their drinks readied with straws. I just looked at the four of us and was just struck by how RIGHT we were as a family. That we were complete and okay and how lucky and blessed I was to have this little family. In my church we are considered rather small and I get the occaisional question of when we are having more children. We aren't. We are set and complete and for the first time, I was completely at peace with that. I always used to feel that I wasn't done even when dh had the big V and I had my medical problems. I would long to hold a baby in my arms and found it hard for awhile to be around people that were pregnant or had brand new babes in their arms.

But that moment in Ikea, I had my ah ha moment. Our family is done, we are complete, and I couldn't be happier. I am finally at peace about the size of our family. I can hold babies now and stare wistfully at them, but gladly hand them back because I'm where I should be at in my life and I'm finally content with it. It was like a huge relief to have that hit me. I'm not sure why I had that moment, but I'm so grateful for it. I needed it because I used to be so sad and that I hadn't done all I could regarding our family size and felt something was lacking.

I'm so blessed and happy to be the mom to C and L. I'm going to work on being the best mom for THEM and teach them and love them and cuddle them and make sure they know that they were meant for us and our little family. I'm going to make mistakes, but they will never not know that their momma loves them more than anything else on earth.