Hard time on my YSC bb

Breast cancer sucks. I'm a part of a board for young breast cancer survivors over on YSC or Young Survivor Coalition. I started going there when I was finishing up my chemo and have gotten a lot of good answers and met some wonderful women there. It's like being part of this exclusive club with breast cancer being the initiation into it. It's been a realy struggle lately. You get so close because you are all fighting this beast and you band together and it makes you feel invincible.

But things aren't going so well over there. I was going through the posts and found a topic saying Goodbye. I thought they were leaving the board and taking a break. It happens at times and then the person comes back later. Well, this lady was saying goodbye forever. She was entering the hospital the next day and she knew that she would never be coming out. She was dying and telling us all goodbye. It was heartbreaking and you wanted to believe that it would get better and she would be fine. There was an email about two weeks later saying that she did die and that her dh and her kids were around her when she passed away. There's another lady that survived one round of breast cancer to discover that she has mets and it doesn't look good. She is a sweet kind lady that everyone calls Mama Cathy. Then there's another lady that survived it but started down a talispin and is slowly self destructing. She went binging on drugs, alchohol, tried to kill herself, etc.

It's been so difficult to keep a happy face on when you feel like you're losing your grasp on things. I've just been so depressed lately and I've been bawling all night.