The attacks are back

I'm struggling again. I thought the anxiety attacks would end, but they haven't. I had one last night that lasted about 20 minutes as I was getting ready for bed. I was good all day and my mood was level and no problems. But when it started, I started to get scared and anxious, my heart started racing, and I had to try and slow my breathing down and stop myself from crying. I didn't do a very good job. I think this is the first time in a while that dh as seen one of my attacks and I don't think he understands them.

Dh has been applying for different positions within his company. He's tried Billings, Des Moines, Minneapolis, Denver, and Tuscon. The job in Tuscon looks serious and the next step would be a face to face interview. We are just waiting to hear if they want to do that now. They've made the job perks seem great and I've been searching for apartments in Tuscon for a while now. I'm trying to make peace with the fact that it's the last place on earth I want to move to and I'm slowly getting excited for it if we do move down there.

I've been without a job for so long, I'm stressed to death about finances and I've been through so many doctor visits in the past month. I'm struggling so much to be a decent wife and mother and I'm failing. I'm not succeeding at anything it seems. I have no desire to cook even though I love to cook again in the fall. Nothing really excites me because we have no money to make even the simplest things happen. Life shouldn't revolve around money and it doesn't. But even to fill the gas tank takes a load of money. I'm having a hard time being happy.