No news from Tuscon- added news update on friend with bc

I had another attack yesterday before church. Jason wasn't around, my mom was at church, and I couldn't find anyone to talk me down from it. It wasn't too bad. Then dh gets home from his meetings and tells me that Frances Young died. She was an older lady in my ward that had breast cancer. She would take a special interest in me and always was aware of me in the ward. When I had my problems this year, she brought me over a card and a special soft robe. It was a bit small, but the fact that she was watching over me made me cry. So anyways, Jason tells me she died, (mets from breast cancer, it spread to her brain) and my attack is back. I bawl and bawl. By this time we are at church and it's Sacrament meeting. So I sit in the back row with the rough paper towels from the bathroom and tears are rolling down my face. It really sucked. I had walked in the Race this year and Frances was on my shirt in the In Celebration of side. Now it needs to be switched to the In Memory of.

I'm having troubles. I used to love to cook. I adore doing soups, baking things, trying new recipes. I would scour Taste of Home magazines looking for new things to try out. But I feel nothing now. I look at my home and I don't care. I don't care what we eat, I don't care what I wear, I don't care if I cook, I don't care. I get emotion from time to time, but everything around me just feels like nothingness. I simply don't care anymore. I want to care, but it seems way to hard to get to where I need to to put forth effort.

Edited to add- I went to my breast cancer board to check things out. Turns out another friend has died. Her name was Nika and she had me for a gift exchange last Christmas. She was so thoughtful and kind. Not loud or flashy, but a sweet kind presence. I'll miss her a lot.

That makes two just this week. (sigh)