Hand me some cheese to go with this whine...

I need to get back on a regular schedule of taking my depression meds. I'm sliding downward and I need to claw my way out before I get in too deep.

I'm sitting here on a Saturday night at 8:59pm and I'm the only one awake. Dh went to go lay down with L and he was asleep before she was. I'm lonely and alone. Normally, I don't mind being alone. Tonight I do. I had a sort of anxiety attack that kind of stretched out throughout the day. I wanted to look nice for a bishopric dinner and I was worried that I wouldn't have anything to wear. First shirt emphasized every bit of fat on my torso. Then I tried another shirt that either shrunk or my arms have exploded in size because it cut into my arms. So I sat on my bed totally depressed and wanting to cry because I felt so big that I couldn't fit into any of my clothes.

I'm really struggling in all areas of my life. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, etc. I would love to just be held in someone's arms and leave my worries behind for a few minutes. Not to be told I'm not doing something right or I should be doing this or what about cleaning this room, or having someone tattle on someone else. I want some flat out affection. I just want to be loved and sitting here in the dark on the computer with everyone else asleep, I don't feel it. I don't want to ask for it, I just wish it would happen. It just doesn't mean the same when you have to ask to be given a hug or a kiss.

I'm not sure what I need anymore. I really believe I'm a basketcase.