Little bits and pieces, random thoughts

I'm not even sure what to post about here. I was under the impression that I could write about anything but I'm not so sure now. I consider this my online journal and write down all my thoughts and feelings about breast cancer as they relate to me and my experience. I don't write about everything that happens in my life but if I need to get something out, I will. I have been good about keeping some things private but every once in a while something is going to come out and I'm not going to stop doing that. I've been thinking of making this a private blog but I'm not completely convinced yet.

Anyways, lots of things happening this week. I got my Family Fun magazine for December and there are so many fun little things to do for Christmas. I got the holiday buzz just reading it and I can't wait to start making things. I do some surveys online and get paid for doing them and I'm collecting all the rewards for that and I want to do little things for people this year. We've been helped so much this year and it's too hard to sit back and just say thank you. I need to constructively do something and so I have to get organized and ready to start making little goodies.

One of my favorite goodies this year is the potporri mix that my friend Angela has in her house. She watches Lindsey every morning for about 90 minutes or so while I go to radiation. She had the best smell in her apartment one morning. It was a mix of oranges, lemons, cloves, and cinnamon sticks simmering on the stove. So now I've been obsessed. Every few days I get that going on the stove and the whole place smells like Christmas. I found a friend that had a great smelly mix too that I want to try that has basil and pineapple juice in it.

My favorite homemade gift from last year was a little cookbook my sister E and her family made for everyone. It has some of their favorite recipes plus others from friends and family that they combined for a cookbook. I got it at Christmas last year and immediately went through and found a bunch I wanted to try out. Our favorites are the Emeril's Essence, Pasta E Fagioli soup, L's Beef Brisket, Dilly Pork Chops, and all of E's bread stuff. I've tried several times to make her cinnamon rolls but they never come out right. I want to see her do it once so I get the hang of it and try it better at home.

My grandma in the hospital. Her pacemaker is messed up and not working right so it has to be fixed. She's in OHSU and I'm jealous! It's the best hospital in Oregon and it's gorgeous inside. It's up on the hill and has the best view of Portland. The floors are carpeted in the halls and her room is really nice. It's a private room with a huge window and a couch that's really a bed and two nice comfortable chairs. She even has a dvd/cd player in her room. It's really quiet in the halls even the food looks good! Dang! I've decided that when I have my big booby surgery next year, I want to do it at OHSU. It makes my hospital, SWMC, look like it's scraping the bottom of the barrel for their patients.

My emotions are all over the place. Up and down and changes constantly. It's like having PMS 24/7. My skin is turning a nice dark pink/red color and the patch on my neck is getting itchy since my shirt rubs against it constantly. My cough/cold isn't going away and is just lingering and making me feel yucky all the time. Lindsey has picked up on my moods and has turned into a little monster. I never knew 3 year olds whined and cried as much as she did. It got so bad one night, that after Jason got home, I had to leave. I told him I'd be back and went and grocery shopped by myself and got a pop at the store. My temper is so short with Lindsey and I don't want to get to the point of doing something when I'm angry. I have to learn how to control my anger and not act out when I'm so frustrated that I want to act out.

I disappointed that we won't have Thanksgiving like we normally will. Family from out of town and all of us at my mom's home for dinner. But with my grandma in the hospital things have changed. Our little family will be at my inlaw's for dinner, no family coming from out of town, and we are kind of doing our own seperate thing. My mother in law is a wonderful cook but it just won't be the same. No sibling fighting, no animals trying to sneak food from my girls, no snide remarks or dirty looks, etc. Gotta love those family get togethers.