Bundle of raw emotions

All of a sudden I'm so emotional. I got a book from the library the other day on this lady's experience with life after breast cancer treatment. I just thought it wouldn't be something I haven't already heard. But just in the first chapter or two some pretty powerful (for me) things were written. Finishing treatment is a big deal. I was ready to celebrate and ring my bell and be done with chemo. But I was sad and scared and emotional. It's like from the moment I had heard that I had breast cancer, I was on the move and doing things constantly to "improve" me or make me better. I was always working on "fixing" me.

Well, now I'm done with chemo, I don't have surgery till the end of the month and then radiation starts. I feel like I've had all this stuff done and now I have to just LIVE with it without any improvements for a month. Like I'm being shoved out into the dark and told to find my way without any guidance. That's the best I can describe it. Well, this book talks about these very feelings I have and how it's normal and not what you would think someone would feel. Someone without cancer like your family that is supporting you celebrates because this stage is over and yeah, the treatment is done!! Well, now it's time to live with it and that is even scaries that the treatment.

It's like a lightbulb went off today as I was reading the book and all these emotions are hitting me all of a sudden. Guess, I'm not as weird as I thought. I just didn't know other women with my experiences felt the same way.