It's the night before surgery

Just a few more hours and I head to the hospital. All I've been thinking about today is my surgery and all it covers. I'm having my port taken out first, then my tissue expander, and then my left boob reduced. I went to the doctor's today and she marked me all up with a purple marker that has bled all over my shirt, my bra, and I put my arm down on my side and when it came back up, I had purple marks on my arm. I think Lindsey wants to grab a marker and take her turn on me now since the doctor got to do it. lol

The hospital called with preregistration questions and info for me. I called my oncologist and after two days finally got a call back. My fingers on my right hand and the back of my hand is swelling. When I saw it for the first time, I immediately called the doctor because I was scared it was the beginning of lymphedema. I still don't know if it is or not, but both Dr. Gray and Dr. Brouns want me to se a lymphedema specialist just to be sure. She can give me some good information on specifically what to look for and be aware of.

I had a very special blessing tonight. I wanted a blessing before I went in and Jason asked who I wanted. I wanted Bishop Powell because his wife has already gone through breast cancer and I knew I would be okay with him seeing me bald. Yes, it's vain, but I have very little left to be proud of. He told us once he got her tonight that he was pleased to help, but unsure why we asked him. Then he said that his wife told him it was probably because of her previous experience with cancer and that he would understand. It was exactly that reason why I chose him! My home teachers are great, but one of them is a kid I taught in my SS class last year. I don't feel comfortable talking about my cancer with someone I taught as a teenager. It was too difficult and awkward for me. But everything went fine tonight and I was very touched to hear the sweet spirit he brought to my home.

I had a situation with my mil today that ended badly. I opened my mouth when I just should have kept it shut. Now we are both upset I think and I feel horrible. I was feeling pretty decent all things considered and now I'm just an emotional mess again and feeling panicky about tomorrow and everything that is going on. I'm letting this one thing mess me up and I'm having trouble making it stop.

One good thing today is that my chemo buddy Tonya called me. I was so excited to hear from her. She starts her radiation tomorrow if her sore is better from her mastectomy. If not, she will have to wait yet another week. I saw her the day after her mastectomy and she is going to possibly attempt to see me tomorrow or the next day after my surgery. It was great talking with her and catching up. I didn't realize how much I miss her friendship and understanding in all this.

I was going to be brave and not have a private room. Then I figured that we already matched our deductable and if I do get a private room, insurance is paying for it. So bring on the privacy since we don't have to pay for it. If I don't get it that will be fine too. I just hope I remember to bring my earplugs with me.

Wish me luck that everything goes smoothly. We had a few bumps in the road in the last surgery and it's about damn time something went right for once. Pray that the swelling I'm feeling in my hand is in fact NOT lymphedema and instead just something minor that will go away soon. Dr. Gray said that she is doing the left breast reduction and doing some lipo on my left side. If I didn't have any swelling, she would have done the same on the right. Dang it!!! I wouldn't have minded that.

I'm up till midnight or as close as I can get it. I can't eat after that, so I'm going to eat just before it so I will hopefully not be too hungry in the morning. Silly goose!