Chloe went on a field trip

Chloe got to go to the zoo yesterday with her preschool class. She was really excited because she was going with Aunt Shannon. I'm so glad that they had a wonderful time. Shannon conquered a lot yesterday being in charge in a situation where there were crowds, she wasn't familiar with the MAX, and she had a child with her. I'm so glad she did so well. Chloe had a great time and is very taken with "Tarzan" and her little bag of rocks that Shannon bought her.

But why do I feel bad? I think it's because she enjoyed it so much with her auntie instead of doing it with me. I should have gone but I wasn't 100% because of my cold and feeling so dang fatigued with chemo. It wouldn't have been fair to Chloe if I went and I'm thrilled that she had a good time with Shannon. I feel like I let my baby girl down and she's having these adventures with someone other than her mama who should be there in the first place. I was terribly jealous to let her go but so glad she had a great time.

I guess a part of me is scared that over time that Chloe will want to do things with everyone other than me. That I'm so sick most of the time that she will naturally prefer other people over me. It makes me want to cry. So I have to plan little things that she and I can do together so she knows that I love her even if I can't do all the big things with her.

Yesterday was a better day for me health wise. The first thing I did when I woke up was take the anti-nausea pills and stick to the schedule the entire day instead of waiting til I think I need them. I didn't get nauseated once, but I didn't want to eat a lot either. I forced myself to eat so I wouldn't get sick and that's kind of how it was all day. I've discouvered that my tastes buds feel different. Like when you take a drink of something hot and it burns your mouth on your taste buds. I feel it constantly and I think that's why it's harder to have any drinks with carbination in them because it irritates my taste buds. Right now yogurt is my favorite food because it doesn't bother my mouth so much.

I constantly feel like I'm pregnant. That feeling of nausea that's always there no matter what you eat or do. Always tired and I feel restless and unsettled. At least with being pregnant, there's a prize at the end. I have a saline fill today and with all my coughing, it should be fun to say the least. I just hope I don't hurt too bad tonight.