Happy Mother's Day!!

So Saturday marked one month from having my mastecomy. It's hard to believe that it's been a month! So many things have happened in that time. I went into the hospital then not really knowing what I was getting into. I never would have imagined what my life would be like today. Never! Just last week alone I had at least 4-5 doctor appointments or treatments. This week I have two doctor appointments, a saline fill, a mugastudy or heart test at the hospital, and my first chemo treatment. I've been to the hospital 3 times in the last month. I'm sure they know me by my first name now. I've stopped going into appointments hoping for the best. I go now fearing the worst.

A couple of good things happened this week. My saline fill went very well. I don't know if it was the pain meds I took well before the appointment or because it wasn't as bad as before. Either way, I'm grateful for how well I was able to handle the pain. After the saline fill, Mom and I went to pick up Shannon at B&N where she works. As we are coming up to the door, a lady I used to work with at my bookstore years ago walks out with her family. I haven't seen her in years and I have missed her so much. I just stopped and stared at her. I said her name. she saw me, and I was able to hug her and talk for a few minutes. She was on her way to see her first grandbaby be born. I got her phone number and plan to call her this week. She is truly one of the best people I used to know. Can't wait to get back in contact with her.

The other good thing is kind of simple. I haven't cooked a meal or even tried to follow a recipe since before I went for my surgery last month. I've made one dish and that's it. No real desire to cook or try anything. I love to cook and though I'm not great, I'm persistent in finding new things to try that my family will enjoy. So when we were waiting to get Shannon, I decided to splurge and get some Taste of Home magazines. I saw there were three different kinds and got all three. One was the regular monthly one, another had all recipe card recipes, and the other was called Simple and Delicious. I flipped through them and got all excited to cook. I kept finding all these wonderful easy recipes to try out. So many choices! I ended up making one of the dishes last week and included one of the side dishes that was mentioned and even the girls ate it! I was so happy and content again. I had that part of me back that I missed. So much of me changed after surgery and I didn't feel like myself anymore. Just the hull of what I used to be. But seeing my friend and cooking again made me feel like me again and more excited than I had been in a while.

I also decided this week to get my hair cut. I know I wanted it short but didn't know the style. So I asked all my good lady friends on the internet what they thought and got some great ideas. From there I picked a few of my favorites and took them to my dh's aunt. She's a hairdresser and had offered before to cut my hair as her way of helping us out. She's a very strong, loud, opinionated, softie in a crusty old broad's body. She saw the hair style I wanted and helped me get it as close as would allow with my facial structure. I had jokingly asked if she could help me color it purple. She didn't have the right dye for it but she did offer to frost it for me. After her and her dh talking about it and then with me, we agreed that dyeing my hair might not be so great with chemicals getting into my scalp and me so close to starting chemo treatment. We didn't want the tiniest thing stopping me. She she frosted my hair with white blond streaks so it wouldn't touch the scalp and cause possible irritation or burns. I was a little nervous at first, but she did an wonderful job. I hate how she styled my hair, but the cut itself was awesome. So unlike me to do something like this. So this morning, I wet it down, used the flat iron, and I love how it turned out. Dh says he likes it, but he didn't seem as enthusiastic as he did last night. I like it and everyone at church had only positive things to say.

It was so fun to do this hair cut too. I know I will lose my hair shortly, and wouldn't have another chance to be a bit different and get out of my comfort zone. The girls approved of my hair and Lindsey kept showing me off to everyone at my inlaws when we came to pick them up. She would ruffle my hair on top and give me kisses on my forehead. Chloe was shyer, but she kept touching me hair and checking it out. I think she approves.

So why am I up at 11:58pm on Sunday night? Because I can't sleep because my mind is whirring like crazy with everything happening this week. No one to talk to because everyone that is in their right minds are asleep! lol I wish I could be braver. I want to be better but I don't know how.