Rough emotional day
Today was not a great day. Everyone in our little family is recovering from something. Lindsey from puking, Jason from stomach bugs, Chloe from a stuffy runny nose, and me from chemo and a saline fill. No one really got any rest. I get the energy to start something and crash half way into it. Nothing sounds good to eat and I feel like I've got morning sickness all the time. Not a lot of nausea, but enough to be a bit annoying.
I'm just way too emotional. It really honestly seems like I'm pregnant but I'm not getting anything good out of it. At least when you're pregnant, you get a baby out of it. Not me, I get all the bad cancer cells killed along with healthy ones. I get sick, my hair will fall out, I feel like crap, and no prize at the end. I feel like a big baby that can't get a grip. I don't have control anymore of anything. My body, my emotions, my energy, everything has turned traitor on me. I'm useless as a wife, a mother, apartment manager, teacher, and friend. I feel like I'm falling and I don't know how to grab hold and stop.
Good thing today was that I got a short nap by myself. I was able to lay down in my bed and sleep for about 45 minutes.
6 comments:
(((HUGS))) and Prayers. I'm sorry that you're so tired. I really need to stop complaining. But ya know what you get out of this whole thing... LIFE! Now that is worth looking forward too, eh?
(((HUGS))) Heidi!
Heidi, I'm sorry that you're having a crummy week. (((BIG HUGS))).
Heidi,
It will get better in a few days! Emily used to tell me that what I was experiencing sounded alot like pregnancy...anyone who hasn't gone through all this crap doesn't have a clue...like losing control. Hang on to whatever you can...Expect to have some really down days, enjoy the good times when they come. Rest as often as you can. The fatigue is indescribable! Would you just love to tell the nurses and drs (however nice they are) that they just can't know what it like so don't ask me how I'm feeling!!!!! Lousy! And there is no word in the english language to describe how much that is!!!
Because they're killing off your hormones as well, your emotions go to a new category....non-existant, and you need some to survive! Hang tough! Wish I were there to give you a hug! This will have to do! XOXOXOXOXOXOX Mommy Maryann:)
(((hugs))) You are in my thoughts and prayers, heidi!
HUGS!!! Sorry you had a hard day! Thoughts and prayers for ya!
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