Another fun side effect- can't sleep anymore

Why am I writing this? Because it's 12:13am and I have nothing better to do. How late did I stay up last night? Well past midnight again. I'm noticing even when I don't have any Pepsi, that I'm wide awake and not the least bit tired. Or I'm exhausted but my eyes are wide open and I can't go to sleep. My mind is whirling in a million different directions and it keeps me awake.

I miss sleeping. I miss having to pull my hair up on my pillow so it won't get tangled up. Instead, I barely move my head on the pillow because my stinking stubbly head hurts and pokes me. By the end of this week, I will have had to make the trip to Vancouver every DAY. Today and yesterday were pleasure trips, but until Friday afternoon, I have doctor appointments or having blood drawn or a shot taken. BLECH!!!! I could gladly do without all this garbage.

I want to go to sleep and cuddle with my dh and plan for a vacation. Instead, my dh is pulling all his vacation time in case any medical problems with me cause him to miss a day of work. My stupid medical problems have ruined any time off my dh gets this year. We can't plan to go to the beach for the day or even overnight.

Food doesn't taste good anymore or if it does, all I crave are homemade cinnamon rolls. I can't stand the thought of bagels anymore. Makes me sick to think about them. On my first chemo day, Mom brought me a bagel with garden veggie cream cheese because I was on a kick and loved them for a while. I want to throw up writing this down. Weird. Like when I was pregnant and got stuck on certain foods and couldn't stand other ones. I love Pepsi, but I'm ashamed and embarrassed to admit I think I would rather have a Dr. Pepper now. When I get an upset stomach, I ask for a Dr. P than sipping a Pepsi. I really have turned to the dark side now. Well, not completely, I'm not asking for Coke so I'm not completely gone....

Yet.