I miss my friends

I miss my girlfriends. I miss having my bestest buddy nearby to do things with. I bring this up because no matter what, I love my mom and my dh and all my family. But when I was thinking of leaving the apartment after I got my head shaved, I wanted a girlfriend to go with me so I would be brave. I needed that type of support so that I would feel better. My dh did a great job, but there are times in your life where you need to have your friends around you.

I've made it hard on myself here in Portland. I've made it very difficult for myself to make extremely close friends like I had in the past. I think part of it is, if I don't have such good close friends, then I won't get hurt if they leave me. I suck with change. All best friends in the world are gone and it's soooooo hard. Even more so lately. I have my stamping I can go to once in a while, but I don't have a friend close by that I can call up and just shoot the breeze or go to lunch with. I have friends aplenty on the internet who have been wonderful to me and I just adore. But since I got breast cancer, I have wanted so badly to have a friend here in town like I used to have. It's hard to explain. I have a friend in town, but she and I have grown apart and chosen different paths. We talk on the phone once in a while and that's all it comes to. My bestest friends are all far away from me. T is in California, V is in Utah, even N is in South Dakota. I wish that one could be here to help me go through this. Someone to help me pick out hats, or scarves, or just do girl stuff with.

Stupid dumb hormones, now I'm bawling! I don't want my mom to feel bad or my husband because they have been so great with me through all this. But I miss my friends and it's hard to go through this without having my best friends anywhere close. I wish I had that back somehow.