I have a new hairstyle now

I woke up today with hair covering my pillow. Not just one or two hairs, but covered! Then I would barely run my fingers through my hair and lots of hairs would come out. It was time to get my hair buzzed. This has put me in a depression. I knew it would happen, I was preparing for it, but it doesn't really hit you till you run your hand over your newly shorn head and feel nothing.

So Jason's aunt had set me up with an appointment today since we had contacted her yesterday. I was panicking because I only had two scarves and my mom had bought me hat at Target. I wasn't ready! So we hoofed it over to Nordstrom's Rack where they had nothing and then to M&F where I tried on several hats. Each hat I tried on I had to clean out since I left hairs in it. But I found a floppy beige one that would work and off we went to Canby. The little girls got their bangs trimmed and then it was my turn.

I didn't want to do it and I was really trying to keep my emotions under control. Jason didn't wan't to take pictures but I needed to have it done for me. So I could deal with the different stages I was going through. I look scared and sad in the pictures and that's exactly how I felt. In between pictures I was crying but trying not to. I let the girls touch my peach fuzzed head and they watched the whole thing. I know I heard Chloe say, " She doesn't look like Mom now". That hurt me but I didn't let her know I heard it. She's just expressing herself now. Even my aunt cried at one point. But I brought my pink bandanna and took a picture of me in it and with my floppy hat on.

As we were leaving, Sandra was great and didn't press me. I'm sure it was a hard day for her too. She did an awesome job. I kind of dozed on the way home and instead of going to lunch with dh and the girls, I just went to bed. I didn't want to see anyone or anything. I wasn't hurting physically, but emotionally I wanted to crawl into bed and not come out. My parents arrived later in the day and I went out and said hi. I remember showing them my head and then told them I was really tired and went back to bed. I didn't want to face anyone. I still don't. Sure the medicine is working and that's why my hair is gone, but right this minute, it doesn't matter. My HAIR IS GONE!!!!