It's not funny! My family is really mean

I go to bed every night and have to situate myself so that I don't get smacked by a elbow, my arm is elevated, and I'm not in any pain. My body pillow is put in the right spot, etc. So in the morning, I'm feeling pretty good but usually need help getting up because straining up against my chest after not moving all night is really hard.

So I wake up this morning and Chloe crawls in on my right side to cuddle with me. She talks with me and holds onto my arm. Fine and dandy. I tried to sidle over so she had room. Then comes my husband who gets in on my left side. I still can't move too easily. Then Lindsey has to come and cuddle so she won't be left out. So I move fractionally over again to the right to make room for her since I somehow ended up in the middle of the bed.

There's a problem now. Lindsey is laying on my hair, Jason is teaching her to honk my nose and open my eyes and generally pick on me. Then Chloe starts up on the other side. I can't defend myself because I'm so stiff and flat on my back. I have to go to the bathroom and these guys are picking on me, honking my nose, ripping open my eyes to see my eyeballs, and all I can do is lay there and take it. Jason is giggling like crazy so I know he's loving it. So after they're done making fun of me, I have to ask THEM to help me get up so I can make it to the bathroom before I embarrass myself. So I'm laying in the middle of the bed and can't get up! I'm trying not to laugh because that hurts, Jason is laughing at me, I feel like a beached whale and I'm about to pee my pants.

My family sucks.