Went and got my pathology results
I went and saw my surgeon today. He gave me the results from my lymph node dissection. Out of the 9 lymph nodes they saw, only one is cancerous. But that means they want to treat it aggresively which means most definitely chemo and probably radiation. I will have lots of different tests, cat scan, blood test, chest xrays, etc. The oncologist will try to work me in before May 16th which is his first available appointment.
I'm so unbelieveably angry right now. So beyond furious it's not even funny. I don't know what to say without wanting to get nasty and surly with everyone I come in contact with. So all this pain I went through yesterday will possibly be for nothing because if I do chemo that will push back all the tissue expander stuff, etc. I want to scream and hit so bad right now.
4 comments:
Heidi,
I am Emily's mom; she has been keeping me posted on your progress. I just had to write and say "I love you!" I would love to share some things with you, if you prefer not to correspond, that's ok too.
I cannot write without shedding tears with you; the "C" word is the most scarey word in any language, but we live in a most marvelous day and age of technology. While I don't know all of what you're going through, I know some. I had 13 0f 21 nodes malignant and had to have a PET scan and full body MRI (with radioactive dye). The unknown is the hardest; I had to shut my eyes during the tests because of clautophobia, its just a tight space with an IV drip, but not as tight as I had imagined.
Be certain to ask about a port being surgically put into
your chest leading directly into the jugular vein. It saves on your veins in the long run, but its your choice and depends on how many treatments you'll need.
I won't share more now, but feel free to email anytime! Or Em can fill you in.
In spite of what life dishes out, God loves us. Ask Him to carry you and He will! This has been my hardest, yet most spiritual experience of my life! And remember, its OK to cry, to be mad, to cry, to wonder, to cry and cry. My thoughts and prayers are with you, many prayers already. Much love from sister to sister, members of the "club" we wish we didn't belong to!
Maryann
I am in tears for both of you!
Heidi, I just wanted to add that sometimes a little rage party is good to release all that built up anger. When my first dh left me for another woman, I went to Wal Mart and bought a cheap box of dishes and found a quiet spot with cement and as I bashed and broke each dish, I screamed and let out EVERY emotion I was feeling. I said things I didn't even know I was thinking. At the end of my rage party, I was overcome with exhaustion but felt such a burden of emotion lifted from me.
You are in my thoughts and prayers!
(((hugs)) We are here for you, Heidi.
My mom is a breast cancer survivor of over 6 years. It is a daily battle of wills to stay happy. But you CAN overcome this!
I have had NUMEROUS "fibroadnomins" removed from my breasts. I know it is just a matter of time until I get the big "C". I keep thinking I am prepared since my mom did it... but there is no preparation for it. I can see that now. (((HUGS))) to you!
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