Part III

My girls have never been so rotten!!! It's like they stored up all their bad energy and is spewing it out from the moment I got home from the hospital. I'm ready to throttle Chloe and Lindsey is egging her on and I can't do a dang thing about it. I can only threaten, yell, cuddle, explain, and hold for so long before I lose my temper. I want to send them back to my inlaws so I don't have to deal with them anymore. Is that a rotten parent or what?

Just having a day today. An emotional day. My bandage was wrapped up in a way that was hurting me in just one spot and was sucha relief to get rewrapped later. The gauze had slipped down and a tube got in the way and it just rubbed me the wrong way literally. The girls are being bad, dh is getting non emotional sometimes, and I did too much while getting Chloe ready for preschool this morning. Getting her to go was very hard. I had to literally almost push her out the door to get her to leave.

I know I will have to deal with the pathology report from this surgery soon. I knew if they did a dissection, that something bad happened with the biopsy and they would have to go further. But I honestly don't want to think of it now. What else am I going to lose? Seriously, think of this. I have big glasses on, braces on my teeth, I'm overweight, still have acne at times and now a boob is gone and I'm in pain. Now there's a chance my hair might be gone or I'll be throwing up from meds and chemo? NOOOO!!!! I already feel like the world's ugliest freak. It's so selfish but I feel that way tonight. I can't stand to lose one more thing right now. I know how I look, I can't stand to deal with one more thing. I really feel like a weirdo and can't stand to think of how I'll look next.