This was not a good day

I think Lindsey is picking up on my worry and stress. She has suddenly turned into the child from Hell. She whines and cries constantly, won't eat anything that's prepared for her, screams bloody murder when it's time for bed, and is hitting everyone. I don't blame her, I kind of want to act like that too.

I was doing okay til this afternoon. All of a sudden I was doing a ton of laundry and trying to figure out what shirts I can wear after this. Not the close fitting tees I just bought, not light colored clothing that shows your shape off. I'm looking for busy button up shirts or dark Tshirts. I am worried about how I will look with one huge boob and the other flat til my boob "grows" into the right size for me. I started to get really shaky and breathing really fast. I was going to start crying, I just didn't know when.

So I got on my board and wrote my concerns down. So much to do, so much to accomplish before I can know that things will be okay. I have lots of stuff for work, turn in Chloe's kindergarten paperwork, go grocery shopping, change sheets, wash clothes for the girls, and pack for the hospital. Doesn't sound like a lot, but everything is just overwhelming me right now.

I've been really concerned and stressed about what bra to wear afterwards. One person says that she was so tender that she didn't wear a bra for almost 2 months. On my presurgery sheet, it says I may want to keep a bra on 24 hours a day. So I called Nordstroms and arranged to have someone help me get a post mastectomy bra so that I could be comfortable and have a correct bra to wear. So off I go tonight to the lingerie area and feeling terribly uncomfortable and on the verge of tears. This tiny young lady waits on me, her name is Amanda. She kind of knew I was coming and was prepared and didn't think it was weird that I was there for that kind of bra. She was so knowledgeable and helped me out tremendously. She measured me and brought me out a camisole and two different bras. I was shocked to discouver I was a 38 and not a 44. When the hell did that happen??? That was the best news all day.

She was great while helping me out. She told me that my insurance would probably cover the cost of the bra and gave me the paperwork to do it. She filled everything out, gave me her card, and asked for my personal info so that she could contact me later when I healed up enough to have a proper form fitting bra. I was so emotional, I thought I would cry right there. She was just so nice to me! So kind.

So that's one worry off my mind. Someone called tonight to let me know that if I needed anything to just let her know. I can't do that!!!! I just burst into tears because I was so tired and stressed out. She was my VT companion, so I just asked her to take care of the VT this month. I don't want to think of it at all. I don't want to do my calling anymore. I just don't care at all. I don't want to deal with any of it. I just want to... be. Sit back in the back row and blend in with the scenery.